#961
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Öèòàòà:
Ýòî êîãäà äâóì õèðóðãàì íå ñêàçàëè, ÷òî îíè ðàññìàòðèâàþò ÝÊÃ. ... |
#962
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IF WOMEN CONTROLLED THE WORLD...
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#963
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Öèòàòà:
Ýòî êîãäà äâà õèðóðãà, îäèí èç êîòîðûõ ïüÿí, ðàññìàòðèâàþò ÝÊÃ, íå çíàÿ ÷òî ýòî. Ýòîò àíåêäîò ñêîðåå âñåãî íå íîâ, íî ìíå ïîíðàâèëñÿ (îñîáåííî êîãäà åãî ðàññêàçàëè â ïðîöåññå ïåðåêèäûâàíèÿ ÊÀÌÀÇà ïåñêà ëîïàòàìè. Ïðèåçæàåò êàðäèîõèðóðã íà àâòîñåðâèñ. Ïîñëå ðåìîíòà åãî ñïðàøèâàåò ìåõàíèê - Ñëóøàé, à ñêîëüêî ó Âàñ îïåðàöèÿ ñòîèò? - 10 òûñÿ÷ áàêñîâ. - Íó, âîò, îáúÿñíè ìíå. Ìû ñ òîáîé, âðîäå, îäíî äåëî äåëàåì, äâèæêè ïåðåáèðàåì. Íî òâîÿ ðàáîòà ñòîèò 10000, à ìîÿ 200. Ïî÷åìó? Äîêòîð äîñòàåò ïà÷êó äåíåã è ãîâîðèò: - Íå âîïðîñ. Çàòåì ïîäõîäèò ê ìàøèíå, âêëþ÷àåò äâèãàòåëü - Ïåðåáèðàé. |
#964
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Öèòàòà:
Ñàíòåõíèê ïðèõîäèò ê êàðäèîõèðóðãó ìåíÿòü ñìåñèòåëü. 500ð. Êàðäèîõèðóðã - äà ÷òî æå ýòî òàêîå, ÿ äåëàþ ñëîæíåéøèå îïåðàöèè, íî ñòîëüêî íå ïîëó÷àþ! Ñàíòåõíèê- ïðàâèëüíî, êîãäà ÿ áûë êàðäèîõèðóðãîì - òîæå ñòîëüêî íå ïîëó÷àë |
#965
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Åùå î ïîëüçå ó÷åíèÿ.
Îïûòíûé ñàíòåõíèê è ñàíòåõíèê-ïîäìàñòåðüå ïðèøëè íà îáúåêò.Áûâàëûé ñïóñòèëñÿ â êàíàëèçàöèîííûé êîëîäåö, ïîëíûé âñÿêîãî äåðüìà, è íà÷àë ðàáîòàòü. Âûíûðèâàåò îí ïåðèîäè÷åñêè è êðè÷èò ïîäìàñòåðüþ:" Ïàöàí, êëþ÷ íà 16!" Èëè :"Ïàöàí, êëþ÷ íà 12!".Ïîòîì, çàêîí÷èâ ðåìîò, âûëåçàåò ìàñòåð èç ýòîãî êîëîäöà, çàêðûâàåò ëþê, îòðÿõèâàåòñÿ è ãîâîðèò ïàðåíüêó:" Ó÷èñü, ñûíîê, à òî òàê è áóäåøü âñþ æèçíü êëþ÷è ïîäàâàòü!" |
#966
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[Ññûëêè äîñòóïíû òîëüêî çàðåãèñòðèðîâàííûì ïîëüçîâàòåëÿì ]
Íå çíàþ ðàññìåøèòü ëè âðà÷åé...ß ñìåÿëàñü äî ñëåç. Êàêèå â ÌÌÀ âðà÷è þìîðíûå |
#967
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Öèòàòà:
"Ïîíÿòèå äèñáàêòåðèîçà òîëñòîé êèøêè êàê îñîáîãî õðîíè÷åñêîãî ñîñòîÿíèÿ, áîëåçíè, âåäóùåé ê ìíîãî÷èñëåííûì âíåêèøå÷íûì îñëîæíåíèÿì, êîòîðóþ íóæíî îáÿçàòåëüíî èñïðàâëÿòü èëè ëå÷èòü, "íàñàæäàÿ" îïðåäåëåííûå ìèêðîáû, ïðèñóùå òîëüêî îòå÷åñòâåííîé ìåäèöèíå.  ýòîì ìîæíî ëåãêî óáåäèòüñÿ. Îñóùåñòâëÿÿ ïîèñê â ìèðîâîé íàó÷íîé áàçå äàííûõ ïî ìåäèöèíå (Ìåäëàéí) ïî êëþ÷åâîìó ñëîâó "dysbacteriosis" (äèñáàêòåðèîç), ìû óçíàåì, ÷òî îíî ïðèñóòñòâóåò â çàãîëîâêàõ 257 íàó÷íûõ ðàáîò, îïóáëèêîâàííûõ ñ 1966 ïî 2000 ãîä, 250 èç íèõ - â ðóññêîÿçû÷íûõ ìåäèöèíñêèõ æóðíàëàõ, åùå 4 ïðèíàäëåæàò àâòîðàì èç ïðåæíåãî ñîöèàëèñòè÷åñêîãî ëàãåðÿ. Ðàáî÷èå ãèïîòåçû îò ÷àñòîãî óïîòðåáëåíèÿ ïðåâðàùàþòñÿ â àêñèîìû. Êàê çàìåòèë îäèí äîêòîð, ïðîáëåìà äèñáàêòåðèîçà îáðîñëà ó íàñ òàêèì îãðîìíûì êîëè÷åñòâîì ôàêòîâ, ÷òî âûãëÿäèò ïî÷òè íåïðèñòóïíîé äëÿ êðèòèêè." ×òî Âàñ òàê ïîçàáàâèëî, ÷òî Âû "ñìåÿëèñü äî ñëåç"? |
#968
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Doctor's Office
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#969
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óíèâåðñàëüíîå ñðåäñòâî äëÿ ïîõóäåíèÿ
Ýòîò ðîçûãðûø íå çðÿ íàçâàí «Ëîæêà-ìó÷èòåëüíèöà». Ïðåäñòàâüòå: ê Âàì ïðèõîäèò ïðèÿòåëü, ñëîâî çà ñëîâî, îí î÷åíü õî÷åò êóøàòü, Âû ïðèíîñèòå òàðåëêó ñ åäîé è äàåòå åìó ýòó ëîæêó. ×òî ïðîèñõîäèò: êàê áû îí íè ñòàðàëñÿ, âñÿ åäà ñîñêàëüçûâàåò ñ ëîæêè. Îí ïûòàåòñÿ ñäåëàòü âèä, ÷òî âñå â ïîðÿäêå, ïîòîì âòèõóþ ðóãàåòñÿ, ïîòîì ðóãàåòñÿ ãðîì÷å, à Âû ñìååòåñü, ïîòîìó ÷òî ðîçûãðûø óäàëñÿ. Òàêæå ýòîò ðîçûãðûø ïîìîæåò îòó÷èòü ñëèøêîì òó÷íûõ ëþäåé îò çëîóïîòðåáëåíèÿ ïèùåé.
Îñîáåííîñòü ðîçûãðûøà «Ëîæêà-ìó÷èòåëüíèöà» ñîñòîèò â ñïåöèàëüíîì âåðõíåì ñëîå. Ïî ñóòè, ëîæêà óæå çàïîëíåíà ïðîçðà÷íûì ñîñòàâîì, ïîýòîìó ïîëîæèòü â íåå ÷òî-ëèáî óæå íåâîçìîæíî. Êàêóþ áû åäó Âû íè ïîïûòàëèñü âçÿòü ýòîé ëîæêîé, âñå áóäåò ñ íåå ñîñêàëüçûâàòü. «Ëîæêà-ìó÷èòåëüíèöà» - ñàìûé ïðèêîëüíûé ðîçûãðûø è… óíèâåðñàëüíîå ñðåäñòâî äëÿ ïîõóäåíèÿ. êàðòèíêà çäåñü - http://www.prikol.su/index.php?description=583 |
#970
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 ïðîäîëæåíèå ïðî õèðóðãîâ è ÝÊÃ.
Ýêñòðåííàÿ êîíñóëüòàöèÿ â îòäåëåíèè "÷èñòîé õèðóðãèè", ïðèáåãàþ, áîëüíîãî íå ìîãó íàéòè íà ìåñòå, íó äóìàþ, òðûíäåö. Àí íåò, áîëüíîé íå ñïåøà âîçâðàùàåòñÿ èç "òàìáóðà". Îñìàòðèâàþ åãî, ïîòîì ÝÊà - íè÷åãî ïîíÿòü íå ìîãó. Çîâó ëå÷àùåãî âðà÷à, îí ìíå äåìîíñòðèðóåò çàêëþ÷åíèå ÝÊà â èñòîðèè: Óìåðåííîå íàðóøåíèå ðåïîëÿðèçàöèè â ìèîêàðäå íèæíåé ñòåíêè. Ëå÷àùèé âðà÷ ìíå âûäàåò: "Íó ýòî âåäü ñòðàøíåå, ÷åì èíôàðêò ìèîêàðäà".... Âîò òàêèå ïèðîãè. Ïîñëå 2 äåñÿòêîâ òàêèõ êîíñóëüòàöèè ìû ïîïðîñèëè ôóíêöèîíàëîâ íå ïèñàòü òàêèå "ñòðàøíûå" çàêëþ÷åíèÿ. |
#971
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#972
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#973
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Ñìåÿòüñÿ èëè ïëàêàòü, ïðàâî íå çíàþ
Íåèññÿêàåìûé èñòî÷íèê "þìîðà" óêàçàë îäèí èç êîëëåã....
Àáñòàðêòû íà àíãëèéñêîì èç "íàøèõ" æóðíàëîâ Clinical estimation of innutritious effects early enteral nutrition "Berlamin-modular". M******** A.B. The Kharkov regional oncologic clinic. Objective: to estimate innutritious effects of an early enteral nutrition the admixture "Berlamin-modular". Design: randomized clinical research. Setting: abdominal department of the Kharkov regional oncologic clinic. Patients: Sixty one patient (n = 61), transferred a gas-trectomy, are randomized on two groups: - Group the early enteral nutrition (EN group, n = 30) was carried out, - Group the parenteral nutrition ( PN group, n = 31) was carried out. - The nutritional goal was 25 keal / kg day. Enteral or a parenteral nutrition was continued until oral intake was at least 850 kcal / day was restored. Estimated parameters: Occurrence of the complications, confirmed with the laboratory, biochemical and microbiological data in dynamics; a lethality; a length of hospital stay; and expenses for treatment have been appreciated at all patients. At 10 patients in each group immunological analyses have been investigated. Main results: the purpose of artificial feeding has been achieved at 73,3% of patients in group EN and at 90,3% of patients in group of PN. Appreciable differences in clinical, biochemical and immunological analyses at patients of these two groups have not been found. Duration of hospitalization in group EN is less, than in group PN (PN - 22.7 ± 5.8, EN - 20.9 ± 5.2). Authentic differences in quantity of complications and lethal ties have not been found. Treatment of patients with use " Berlamin-modular" was twice cheaper, than with use of a parenteral nutrition. Conclusion: EN with use " Berlamin-modular " represents rational alternative of PN at patients transferred a gas-trectomy concerning a carcinoma of the stomach for which it is clinically necessary a postoperative artificial feeding. |
#974
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Áûëü:
Äåæóðèò îòäåëåíèå òîðàêàëüíîé õèðóðãèè. Íî÷ü. Çâîíîê èç ïðèåìíîãî: "- Ïðèéäèòå ê íàì. Çäåñü áîìæèê ëåæèò - íàäî ïëåâðàëüíóþ ïóíêöèþ ñäåëàòü! - Íó... ëàäíî ùàñ ïðèéäåì." Ïðèõîäèò õèðóðã â ïðèåìíîå, ñïðàøèâàåò : "Ãäå âàø áîìæèê?" "- À.. òàì, â çàêóòêå ëåæèò!" Õèðóðã ïîäõîäèò, âèäèò òåëî ëåæèò ïðèêðûòîå ïðîñòûíêîé. Ïðîñòûíêó îòêèíóë, äàâàé ãðóäíóþ êëåòêó éîäîì ñìàçûâàòü. È òóò....! Òåëî ïðîñûïàåòñÿ - Ààà...! - äåæóðíûé òåðàïåâò ïðèëåã ïîñïàòü. |
#975
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Íàâåðíîå íåìíîãî íå â òåìó, íó î÷ êëàññíàÿ âåùü, õîòÿ íàâåðíîå ìíîãèå óæå ÷èòàëè...
ÓÇÍÀÅÒÅ ÑÂÎÞ ÇÀÇÍÎÁÓ ? -Òû ìåíÿ ëþáèøü? -Óãó. -Ñèëüíî? -Àãà. -À êàê ñèëüíî òû ìåíÿ ëþáèøü? -Ñèëüíî. -Äà îòîðâèñü òû íà ìèíóòó îò òåëåâèçîðà. ß òàêàÿ áîëüíàÿ... ïîòðîãàé ëîáèê, ó ìåíÿ, êàæåòñÿ òåìïåðàòóðà. -Äà? -Íå òàê, òðîãàþò, à ãóáàìè. -Õîëîäíàÿ. -Ýòî òû õîëîäíûé... ÷åðñòâûé è áåçäóøíûé ýãîèñò. Äëÿ òåáÿ ôóòáîë âàæíåå æåíû. Âîò óìðó, òû è íå çàìåòèøü, òàê è áóäåøü íà ýòèõ èäèîòîâ â òðóñàõ ïÿëèòüñÿ. -Íå óìðåøü. -Íó, ïîæàëåé ìåíÿ, âèäèøü êàê ìíå ïëîõî. -Æàëåþ. -Âðåøü, òàê íå æàëåþò. Ñêàæè ÷òî òåáå ìåíÿ æàëêî. ×òî ÿ áåäíàÿ íåñ÷àñòíàÿ äåâî÷êà, ó ìåíÿ ëîáèê ãîðÿ÷èé. -Òû áåäíàÿ è íåñ÷àñòíàÿ. Ñúåøü àñïèðèí. -Íå áóäó ÿ òàáëåòêè ãëîòàòü, ïóñòü òåáå áóäåò õóæå, êîãäà óìðó. Íó, ñêàæè, ÷òî òåáå æàëêî ìîè óñòàâøèå íîæêè. -Íîæêè æàëêî. -Âîò! Òåáÿ òîëüêî ìîè íîãè èíòåðåñóþò. À ÷òî ó ìåíÿ ëîá ãîðÿ÷èé, òåáå íàïëåâàòü. -Íå ïëåâàòü ìíå íà òâîé ëîáèê. -À ÷òî åùå? Âîò ñêàæè, ÷òî åùå òåáÿ èíòåðåñóåò?! Òû ìåíÿ õîòü ðàç ñïðîñèë ñåãîäíÿ êàêóþ ÿ ïîìàäó êóïèëà? -Êðàñíóþ? -ß íà òåáÿ îáèäåëàñü... Áûñòðî ãîâîðè, ÷òî ÿ ãëóïàÿ, ïîòîìó, ÷òî çà òåáÿ çàìóæ âûøëà. -Äóðà. -Ñàì äóðàê! Êîãäà òû áîëååøü, ÿ âñå áðîñàþ è ñòàâëþ òåáå ãîð÷è÷íèêè. -Äàâàé ïîñòàâëþ. -Êîíå÷íî, ïîñòàâèøü! Òû êîãäà-íèáóäü âèäåë, êàê ýòî äåëàþò? Òû äàæå íå çíàåøü, êàê èõ íàäî ê ñïèíå ïðèêëåèâàòü. -Íåóæåëè "Ìîìåíòîì?" -Ñ òåáÿ ñòàíåòñÿ, òû è íà êëåé ïîñòàâèøü, ëèøü áû îò ìåíÿ èçáàâèòñÿ. Ïîãëàäü ìåíÿ. -Ãëàæó. -Êîãî òû ãëàäèøü?!!! Áðûñü îòñþäà. Îí ìåíÿ ïîöàðàïàë. -Ìíå òåáÿ æàëêî. -Òû íåïðàâèëüíî æàëååøü, ó ìåíÿ åùå æèâîòèê áîëèò. -È æèâîòèê òâîé æàëåþ. -ß òàêàÿ áåäíàÿ, íåñ÷àñòíàÿ, íèêòî ìåíÿ íå ëþáèò, íå æàëååò. -ß!!! ß òåáÿ æàëåþ! Áåäíóþ íåñ÷àñòíóþ ñ òåìïåðàòóðîé, ñ áîëüíûì æèâîòèêîì, íîæêàìè, ñïèíêîé è ãîëîâêîé. Ïðàâèëüíî? -Ïðàâèëüíî. Ñëóøàé, à çà÷åì ÿ, òàêàÿ ðàçâàëèíà, òåáå âîîáùå íóæíà? |